A real Dom's view of dating in 2015- #2 - 50 Shades of nonsense.


    I actually used to think 50 Shades was about submission.  Sadly not.  I have come to realize that at best it is a housewives’ fantasy of the submissive lifestyle and not at all like a real life submissive relationship.  At worst, or perhaps I should say in reality, it is a same old same old girlish fantasy of snagging a super-rich guy and living like a princess in a childish fairly tale world and bears little resemblance of what a real dominant and submissive relationship is all about. The "wide eyed virgin college girl driving an old Volkswagon meet's 27 year old billionaire" was hard to watch without laughing.  The chisled looks and six pack abs packaged up in the Armani suit was a walking magazine ad.  Even the play room was over the top, ostentatious Hollywood materialism.   Was this movie about submission or Wall Street?  I saw nothing in it that spoke to the connection, intimacy and trust of a true dominant and submissive relationship and lot of “this guy needs a shrink”.  It was more of “pauper meets prince and moves into castle” than "couple finds true intimacy, connection and passion in a dominant and submissive relationship". 

And this guy... "don't touch me" "I was... hurt".... seriously?  You wuss.  In what world does a Dom not want to be touched?  To be connected to his woman, to be understood and valued for everything that is within him?

Do women go for men with money?  Of course they do and always will.  A few million years of genetic nest building coding added to 50 years of Madison Avenue and TV brainwashing about money and toys has created a shallow lust in today’s world.  And women everywhere think this is just fine, wonderful in fact; a trait worthy of boasting.  Any yet for some reason when men exhibit the other side of that million years of genetic predisposition to populate the species by impregnating all they can and also internalizing Madison Avenue’s brain washing, i.e. going after the hottest, youngest sexiest (i.e. most fertile) arm candy around, these same gold digging women get all upset that “all men want is sex”.   No hypocrisy there.

The reality is that this is 2015 and money is tight.  The glitz dating of magazine ads growing out of reach for many men.  Millions are either unemployed or underemployed or living at 50% of what they used to make.  Prices are skyrocketing for everything from milk to pasta to vegetables.  One tomato costs over one dollar.  Men are working more hours for less money and paying higher taxes.  For a guy trying to live his life and support himself and his loved ones, that does not leave a lot of money to contribute to some gal's dating portfolio.  Dating costs money and overwhelmingly it is the man who foots the bill.

That being said and since we are all not Christian Grey, as a matter of practicality how does a man get the best return on his limited time and money investment in pursuit of the opposite sex?  That is what we do you know, pursue women.  We hunt them with our modern day clubs slung over our shoulders; always have, always will.  And if the truth be told most of that pursuit has to do with sex.  Men like sex.  It’s in our DNA.  It’s in our prehistoric lizard brain.  It’s in our groin right next to our ‘little brain’ right where God intended it to be.  It’s why the species survives.  Men live to have sex (procreate) just as women live to build the nest.  But what is it we are hunting? 

Then there is also that whole ‘happiness’ thing.  We all want it and we all deserve it.  But men are not as prolific in writing about how to get it as women are and in fact are mostly ashamed to even admit the truth about what happiness really is to a man. We have been shamed by militant feminists and collegiate PC fascists to be afraid to admit our own natural desires and have been cajoled into trying to live up to a woman's fantasy of what a man should be.  Gentlemen, it is time to play your own game.  If we can’t admit what we want how are we to ever achieve it?  You can not win a ball game without a clearly defined game plan and strategy.  We can not endlessly spend limited time and money on women tap dancing around the basic issues that men care about, leaving the important questions thousands of dollars and many months down the road before we find out the basic things a man wants to know?  Is she good in bed?  Is she a sensual, giving, pleasing lover?  Does she know how to make a home?  Does she respect men?  Is she a giver or a taker?  Does she even like men or just using us for a provider of semen, lifestyle and ultimately divorce money? Is she domineering or submissive to her man?

There just aren’t a lot of men writing about these things, at least not in any honest, meaningful way.  Twittering my over to Huffington Post I notice that overwhelmingly it is women who write about men; what men want, what men like, how to get a man, how to get a date.  And with few exceptions it is all from a woman’s point of view.  Well, not for this cowboy!

For the most part it all assumes that we are chasing them, which traditionally is true.  They bait the hook and troll for fishies.   We, being the fishies, swim around sniffing at the bait and end up being hooked instead of swimming off with our fishie belies happily full.   But it goes both ways.  In the upper classes where men with money and possessions chase trophy class arm candy, the men respond with bait of their own:  fancy cars, big houses, ostentatious yachts and wealthy friends.  And the money daters respond.  Puke.  Welcome to North Scottsdale.  But gentlemen, that is about to change!


Next Up:  How We Got Here