My introduction to the dominant / submissive lifestyle was innocent; a bit nature, a bit nurture. No experienced older woman or anything so trendy. Rather it came from an uber sexuality that I embraced at a young age and a few like gifted women who graced my world. Perhaps it was what was then called my ‘bad boy’ persona, which is now referred to as a dominating personality that was the natural attraction between myself and women who were by nature submissive. Perhaps it was my accepting attitude about sex, my objection to the strict religiosity of the Church that allowed seemingly ‘nice girls’ to open up and let out that naughty vamp within. Somehow the dominate man submissive woman dynamic was always present, long before I knew the words that today describe it.
More experienced than most at an early age I was always the leader when dating. Women seemed to always experience many ‘firsts’ with me. Happily enjoying my youth's hormonal period my highly charged libido didn’t think much about the ‘whys'. Then came a short but eventful marriage to a showy evangelical Christian gal of 27, a striking Sunday singles group leader from a very straight-laced Presbyterian family. Between that and working as a matchmaker at the time I was immersed in sex and religion issues 24/7.
Single people (including Pastors) paid me big money to meet & mate while Sunday school singles discussed the more legalistic nature of Christian dating and sex. I learned from doing psychometric profiles that men pretty much want sex and respect from women and that women need to be attractive to men for the men to be interested enough to pursue it. Women wanted the deep communication, intimacy and connection of being in a committed relationship; and money didn’t hurt either. Were the two positions compatible?
My young bride turned out to be a nymphomaniac, and she and I got into a ‘one up’ type of sexuality that just got bigger and bigger. A 40 y/o Italian married to a 27 y/o nympho makes for a lot of heat. I co-taught a class on dating at a community college with a psychologist friend. Our sexuality spiraled up further. She let loose with desires she had kept hidden from all others, which I truly appreciated. As my mind wandered in our newfound reality many ideas came to mind, which 20 years later were made trendy in the 50 Shades books.
Accepting my preference for the highly charged sexuality of a dominant / submissive relationship I began to introduce it to the women I dated and found that overwhelmingly they were accepting and excited to let go with a strong, openly sexual man; most of them having never had one before. Most all the women I have trained were Christians actually. I believe that Christians make the best lovers as the Bible preaches giving, loving and submission. When the internet came of age it became very easy to connect with like-minded people and the age curve of participants swooped low.
Meeting so many curious women online who were eager to learn about the lifestyle, but afraid of what might happen when they did, and what might happen if they chose the wrong person, I decided to write a book on the subject; a book written in the metaphor of a cookbook so that the experience might be palatable and easy to digest and not frighteningly hard as most books on the subject tend to be.